Let’s start with this - I do not want to write this post. I have tried very hard, in the past several days, to convince myself not to write this post. I have gone to great lengths to keep my private life private, particularly this past year, and the idea of putting intensely personal experiences out there for the judgment and discussion of internet strangers frankly terrifies me. But what’s been surfacing in these online communities this week is bigger than me, and I’ve felt like a coward for remaining silent while too many women I greatly respect & admire have found the courage to put themselves out there and contextualize their negative experiences in the interest of a greater positive outcome. The dialogue happening right now around manipulative & abusive relationships with prominent internet content creators is important, is something I have a unique perspective on, and is something I cannot in good conscience continue to ignore.
After being inspired by the bravery of some really amazing women, most especially Kristina Horner, and encouraged by many friends to come forward with my own messed up story, I’m doing so in the hope that others (most especially the many young girls who follow me) can learn from my mistakes. This is a story I’ve held inside for almost three years now and have suffered a lot of lasting emotional pain from, so I hope, too, that finally sharing it all will provide a kind of cathartic release.